lets be best friends!

two under two. whoah. this is what most of our days look like, haha!

its different for everyone, but for me, the transition has been beautifully chaotic. for many reasons, but having two kids under the age of two is just crazy. some days i ask myself (as much as I love my son!), “what were we thinking?!”

to be honest, i wasn’t completely ready to have a second child. unfortunately, we had a deployment ahead of us and had to plan around that. my husband, who wants a baseball team of children, wanted to try for a month. this would mean he would be there for the birth and that was important to us both. OR we would wait until the Fall and i’d be pregnant during the deployment and have the baby when he got home. at the time, i didn’t want my kids that far apart. so, i opted for the first option, half way thinking i wouldn’t actually get pregnant in one month (i know that sounds bad). well, i did. and that would make our baby due right before he left for deployment.

fast forward to January 25^th, where we welcomed our sweet baby tate. and on march 2^nd, Ben would leave for deployment. making me a single parent with a 21-month-old and a 1-month-old. holy s**t

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during my pregnancy, i never even thought about how hard it would actually be. for me, one baby was easy. i was blessed with an “easy” child and i adapted very well to motherhood, i think. the transition to two has been probably the most difficult thing i have ever done, next to taking the NCLEX to become an RN! yes, i have had to deal with a deployment on top of everything else but in general, its just not an easy task.

here is what an average day looks like: i wake up with Tenley calling, “mama, all done! out!” (implying that she is done sleeping and ready to get up!), meanwhile, Tate is crying because he wants the boob. i rush downstairs to turn ‘Max and Ruby’ on as fast as i can to occupy my toddler while i feed the baby. of course, she wants a million things while i’m breastfeeding, “milk!”, “play!”, “hungry!”, you get the picture. then it is time to get dressed and head to the gym. that’s fun because it always takes us ten hours to get out the door. of course, its all planned around tate’s feeding schedule again (actually this is my whole life, his feeding schedule!). we get to the gym and alas, i get an hour to myself! then its back home to nap for Tenley, and you guessed it, feed Tate again. then i clean, because i can’t relax without my house being clean (i’m working on this! but for the record, the iRobot it my best friend). and i’m pretty much in survival mode until its tenley’s bedtime, promptly at 6PM!

these days there are a lot of diaper changes, feeding, cleaning up, and drinking wine (just kidding, kind of!) i usually always feel like i am one step behind. the dishes need to be done, the laundry needs to be folded, dinner needs to be prepared, diapers need to be changed, bodies need to be bathed, toilets need to be scrubbed, etc. it’s constant work. i am unbelievably lucky and thankful that i have my mom here to help me, otherwise i may have ended up in a psychiatric facility.

the hardest part is giving Tenley enough individual time. Tate and Tenley are 20 months apart. so as you can imagine, she had ZERO clue what was coming her way. when we brought Tate home from the hospital, she regressed a ton (which is why i didn’t try transferring her to a big girl bed OR potty training). she became this little kid that we didn’t even recognize; sassy, mean, cranky and whining all. of. the. time! she could have cared less about Tate, and wanted absolutely nothing to do with him (which is why you barely see any pictures of the two of them in the beginning!) it was around six weeks after Tate was born that she started coming around and one day i think she just decided that she loved him! now she kisses him, holds him, calls for him, and just adores him. so if any of you moms out there are wondering if it gets better, it does!

to this day, i am still winging it. i am constantly learning. i have my fair share of meltdowns, i lose my patience more than i should and i yell (then feel extremely guilty afterwards). but each day gets a tiny bit easier because i am getting to know tate a little more, i am “mastering” breastfeeding a little more, i am feeling a little more confident and we are one day closer to daddy coming home!

now, back to the beginning where i said i wasn’t completely ready for a second child. here is the truth, no one is ever ready. i was undoubtedly blessed with a second baby, and i would not change him for the entire world. he’s a UNIQUE little man and i would not want to live life without him. i am confident that he and tenley will be the best of friends and that this craziness will all be worth it!

photo credit: Jami Thompson Photography 

my shirt: Strong Like A Mom – apparel donating half of its profits to Every Woman Counts. check them out on Instagram!

Tenley’s dress