our lucky fin update
at 15 weeks pregnant, we found out that we would welcome a very unique baby into this world. and on January 25th, our sweet baby Tate was born. you can read all about what we went through during pregnancy here. but, i wanted to update you on everything since we welcomed him into this world.
this was our 13 week ultrasound. looking back at this, its pretty clear there are no fingers on one hand! wow!
i can remember the exact second i laid my eyes on his nub. it was right after my husband yelled out “its a boy!“. i remember crying, tears everywhere. at that second, and only for a second, they were tears of guilt, like “we did this to him”. and also tears because i was now faced with what i had prepared myself for since that 15-week ultrasound.
photo by Melody Gillikin Photography
photo by Melody Gillikin Photography
all i wanted to do was look at his nub. but i didn’t want to do that in front of everyone. mainly because i felt as if i needed to be the one who set the tone of “its not a big deal”. so after everyone left for the night, Ben and i examined his little nub. we talked about it and both decided that it was absolutely perfect. just perfect.
photo by Melody Gillikin Photography
because Tate was born in the winter and he was usually always bundled, his nub was always “hidden” or covered up. now, we are getting into the warmer months and he’s wearing short sleeves. i remember going out and buying him his first t shirt. i stood there at the store and stared at it, trying to imagine what he’d look like in it. i believe this was probably one of those moments where it sunk in that i had a baby with only 5 fingers. i took ten fingers for granted with Tenley.
my latest mental obstacle is whether or not to explain to people about his nub, just to get rid of the big elephant in the room. i know that once its seen, his nub is what people are thinking about. it comes natural and i’d be wondering what happened to him too. this is when i wish people would just ask me, because believe it or not, i love talking about it. but, i’m trying to just let that go, because nothing “happened” to him and this is his normal.
photo by Melody Gillikin Photography
we went to visit Dr. St. Remy, Tate’s orthopedic specialist AKA the best doctor in the world. we met with him while i was still pregnant with Tate for a prenatal consult. he explained to us what he saw on ultrasounds and what we should expect. but this visit was Tate’s first time meeting him. Tate received some x-rays and those revealed that he actually does have a hand. at this time, his left hand only has cartilage. interesting fact that i was unaware of is that his cartilage can turn into bone. so we go back when he is 15 months old to get another x-ray which hopefully reveals bones in his hand!
i also asked the question about Tate driving (such a mom question) his response was, “oh, all cars will be driverless by then.” he was actually serious, but really, he said that if he were to be able to drive today that he would have no problem. because he’s got his right hand and everything on the drivers side is on the right (ignition, gears, etc.). even the blinker on the left, he’d still be able to control that with his left arm. of course, i’m sure there are other DMV requirements to prove but it was a legit question and 16 years away, haha!
an x-ray of Tate’s arm/hand. the top area is where is hand and cartilage are. we are hoping this turns into bone.
the most popular question i am asked is, are we going to get him a hand? the answer is no. at this time, Tate is going to learn everything from the beginning with his nub. introducing a hand right now would only confuse him. Ben and i aren’t going to make any decisions for him until he can make them for himself or until he comes to us and tell us that a prosthetic (or whatever it may be) is what he wants.
i witnessed Tenley noticing his nub the other day as she was naming off Tate’s body parts. and i said, “where is Tate’s hand?” she immediately touched his nub and looked kind of confused. she then reached for his other hand, and kept looking back and forth. then she moved her attention to something else. it was such a cool moment. i wish everyone was that innocent. seeing someone that may not be exactly like you, and not even thinking twice about whether they were “normal” or not. unfortunately, i know Tate has a lifetime of obstacles ahead of him. but, i have absolutely no doubt in my mind that he will overcome each and every one. he is so strong.
a fellow lucky fin mom telling me that she would never go back and want her daughter any differently. at the time, i thought that was crazy. but, i get it now. i wouldn’t change Tate for the world, nub and all. he has changed me as a person. he has made us all stronger and allowed us to look at the world in such a different way. he is true inspiration.
oh, the places you’ll go buddy!
xoxo,
Lauren
Jamie
This is so incredibly spot on to my experiences and feelings with my Lucky Fin. Everything from the first look, to bundled winter clothes, to sibling awareness, and growing as a person (still have guilt over that though 😉 Thank you for sharing.
minding mulloy
This is why I share. I love connecting with the Lucky Fin community because I know we all go through very similar experiences. Thank you! xoxo
Danelle Achepohl
He is SO beautiful — Seriously, a beautiful baby boy! You are doing an awesome job, Mom and Dad! He will fill your life with fun and challenge — and that is parenting! XOXO A Fellow Lucky Fin & Mother of 5
minding mulloy
Thank you so much!
Laura Kelly
When our son broke his “armie” as we call it, we had a doctor named Dr St Remy at CHKD in Va do the surgery. He was a God send! Wondering if it is the same dr. Small world if it is!
minding mulloy
Laura,
That is absolutely the same doctor. Where are you from? I will have to tell him that we have connected!
Laura Kelly
We lived in Yorktown at the time. Will was 9. It will be 3 yrs in Oct. My draw dropped when you mentioned his name. I didn’t trust anyone in the ER or hospital to know what they were doing (and conveyed that probably too well). He wasn’t on his shift yet but came in early because he wanted to be the one to repair his armie. He was the only person I felt comfortable with working on Will. Tell him we said HI! P.S. Your son is adorable!
Cara Munro
Thank you for sharing parts of your journey. I have an 11 year-old Lucky Finner, Ruby. There are many parallels in our experiences, especially the worrying we do as parents and how to ‘best handle’ each new situation.
My best advice is to be gentle with yourself and go with your own flow. Remember, this is a very new experience, one that we don’t get to see modeled often when we think about traditional parenthood.
In the beginning, I thought about Ruby’s hand ALL THE TIME! Whenever I met new people, I felt the desire to ‘bring it up first’ to control the conversation and eliminate the elephant in the room. Looking back, I think that stage helped me come to terms with some of my own issues surrounding Ruby’s hand. Talking about it so much helped me figure it all out as I expressed my thoughts, feelings and answered people’s questions.
I am also here to tell you that this stage will not last forever. I hardly ever think about Ruby’s hand anymore I can’t remember the last time I felt the desire to bring it up or explain it to people. In fact, I am always taken off guard when some one brings it up.
Reflecting on this has led me to the last point I want to share with you. The reason I don’t think about Ruby’s hand very much anymore is because of Ruby.
When she was a baby, I worried about every upcoming milestone and how her hand would make it more challenging for her. Then Ruby would figure out some clever way to make it work for her, kick butt and on she’d go!
So much lies ahead for all of you, as your journey has just begun. By the sound of it, you are off to a great start! Tate is lucky to have found his way to you, but, as I trust you are already figuring out, you are the luckiest of all to have him as your precious perfect boy!
Gene Alexander
I was born LBE many years ago. I’m glad to see you’re going to wait until he can make his own decision about a prosthesis, I’ve never used one. My parents let my try anything I wanted to do including riding a motorcycle. I’m retired, married, three children & three grandchildren. I belong to several amputee support groups for both adults & children.
Laura Alston
Lauren… you my dear are an incredible mother. Thank you for sharing your journey and helping us to learn something that may not effect us directly. I will be truly honored to meet Tate and Tenely one day. May God continue to bless you and your beautiful family.
Melody Gillikin
This is beautiful Lou! ?
Sarah
My daughter is 2 1/2 and is missing her left hand. Often I catch people taking s second glance or kids in public mentioning it to their parents or other kids. I often just tell them “she was born that way”. Just like you have red hair (or glasses), well she has one hand. Often they shrug it off and carry on like they would in any other situation. After modeling this for my daughter she’s learned that’s just the way she was born. You wouldn’t think a 2yr old could articulate it but she can and does. I want to instill confidence in her because the reality is people are going to ask her what happened for the rest of her life. It wasn’t always easy for me to say. I used to practice saying it. I had to practice saying it out loud to get past it making me cry when I said it. As she’s gotten older it’s gotten much easier. She will learn from the behavior I model. I hope this helps.
Marine
Great text, I can relate to your questions and thoughts so much. One of my daughter has a PM since birth, and we went through all the questions, right after her birth.
But we’ve always been so proud of her courage and energy in life, that gives us a total new perspective as parents – we love her so much for changing us and coming into our lives…
congratulations for your beautiful boy!
Roxy M.
Didn’t know till the day my beauty was born and wish Lucky Fin would have been in my arsenal then! She will be 20 on 9/11 ❤️
Ava Sturgeon
Lauren, what a beautifully written blog! Your precious boy is handsome and resilient and destined for great things. Both our boys were born with a rare genetic eye condition that made the possibility of driving, reading, and playing sports in jeopardy. We agonized so much over how their futures would be compromised, but I’m happy to say that even with the condition still apparent, they both drive, read, and shoot a mean basketball. They inspire me. I can’t wait to meet your inspirational Tate. ~Ava Sturgeon, Florida neighbor. ?
Jonelle
I stumbled upon your IG account and was just drawn to your story. I don’t have personal experience with this, but do work with a 2 year old girl that has some deformities to her leg and arm/hand, and boy is that little girl happy, vivacious and daring. It doesn’t stop her one bit from doing all things toddlers do. I find her so inspiring. So there is no doubt that your boy will do great things in this world.
Catherine
Exactly how I feel about my baby boy! His left hand is similar to tates as you know from our Instagram chats. Thank you for sharing it’s always nice to know others feel just like you 🙂 our boys are so special
Sara
Your son is the most beautiful baby boy! What an incredible story. People really do take for granted the whole “ten fingers. ten toes” thing…but something tells me God intended Tate to be this way and hes going to be GREAT and do GREAT!